Dear Abby: When Dad makes a mess, Mom makes excuses


Dear Abby: My narcissistic father feels entitled to do whatever he pleases. He has always argued that since he earns far more than his mother does, he should be looked after and cleaned up. When he’s at my house, he leaves things all over the place. He’s 70, but he acts like a 4-year-old.

He loves attention and will do anything to be the center of attention, whether it’s wearing a kilt or showing off his intellectual prowess. I have nothing to do with him and that’s okay. His mother constantly complains about him and then defends him. he is mentally exhausted.

My husband, children and I are appalled at his lack of self-awareness, empathy and compassion. He finds going on vacation a nightmare. He feels that if he does all the driving, he has done his part, and he refuses to help with anything else. He is grumpy and manipulative.

His condition is getting worse with each passing year and I don’t want my family to suffer like this again. My mother doesn’t seem to understand this. How do you deal with her narcissistic father and her mother who refuses to admit it and keeps making excuses? — Outraged in Pennsylvania

Dear ones who are outraged: One way to deal with it is to stop taking vacations with your family. Vacations never seem to be fun for you or your family. Try to avoid him as much as possible. If your mom complains about her “her dad”, point out that you’re tired of hearing her complain because this is her wedding treat and she doesn’t assert herself. please. And when she brings up the topic, change the subject.

Dear Abby: My brother is recovering from a painful two-year divorce. During that time, two teenage daughters and one adult daughter became estranged. His current ex-wife over-shared with them during their divorce and did everything in their power to keep them from seeing him despite a court order requiring him to have joint custody, visitation and therapy. rice field.

My brother is not perfect, but he loves girls and wants to have them in his life. He is slowly making progress with one of his underage daughters. My problem is that his ex-husband has alienated the rest of my paternal relatives. My two sisters (aunts) and I grieve the loss of those relationships.

We still send messages, gifts and congratulations on holidays and birthdays, but no reply, not even a polite “thank you”. We are “jointly and severally guilty” because we have taken our brother’s side in a terrible experience. Should we keep in touch or should we leave them alone until they are ready to have a relationship with us again? — Victim of Divorce

Dear Victim: I don’t think you should keep sending gifts without receiving them. However, keep the lines of communication open, such as by sending cards to your niece at appropriate times. If you haven’t already discussed this matter with your brother, I suggest you do so and take the initiative from him.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone from teens to seniors can be found in The Anger Inside Us and How to Deal With It. To order, send your name, mailing address, and $8 (U.S. funds) check or money order to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. . (Shipping and handling charges are included in the price.)


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Written by Natalia Chi

Chicago Popular; Chicago breaking news, weather and live video. Covering local politics, health, traffic and sports for Chicago, the suburbs and northwest Indiana.

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