DEAR HAVE: I am a widow who has recently become engaged to a man who, I realize after two years, has a gambling addiction. She recently lied to me about her whereabouts and I found out the same thing happened during her first marriage. I can’t say for sure that this was the first time she lied, but I had a gut feeling.
We had developed what I thought was a good relationship based on mutual respect and trust. I could use some advice on what I should do in the future. He has become my friend and family since I am childless and have lost not only my late husband but also a brother and recently my father. — THROWN IN NORTH DAKOTA
DEAR THROWN: I know you are alone. But if you love your fiancé, continue the relationship as it is and have no plans to marry him. Realize that if you were to marry someone with a gambling addiction, mixing your assets could ruin you financially and affect your retirement.
If you have a desire for a change, there are 12-step programs you could join, including Gamblers Anonymous (gamblersanonymous.org). But keep in mind that compulsive gambling is an addiction and your boyfriend could fall off the wagon at any moment.
DEAR HAVE: My wife and I have been together for more than 20 years. Our relationship has gotten stale over time and a couple of years ago he decided to leave me. However, over the years, even though she has had several lovers, we have grown closer again.
The problem is, I really love her and want her back as my GIRLFRIEND, but she sees this as a casual relationship, which makes me feel hurt. For example, she doesn’t see a problem with having a long conversation with another lover while she’s at my house. When she realizes I’m hurt, she gets exasperated and says she feels like she has to “walk on eggshells” around me. It’s me? Is there a path forward? — STRANGE SITUATION IN FLORIDA
DEAR STRANGE SITUATION: Your problem is that you’ve allowed yourself to be placed in the “friends with benefits” category when what you really want is an exclusive relationship with your ex. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. If she’s talking to other men while she’s at your house, it means she’s not interested in how his actions affect you. The path forward is one that is as far away from this person as possible because your agendas are polar opposites.
DEAR HAVE: My husband sent his ex girlfriend an explicit nude photo of himself. I am shocked and hurt. Should I leave this man? – YOU CANNOT SEE INTO WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR YOU CAN’T NOT SEE: Yes, I think you should, because the naked truth is, your husband isn’t done with his ex-girlfriend.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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