Dear Abby: I am a 45 year old female who has been dating ‘Ben’ (53) for 2 years. We have known each other for over 20 years. he treats me like a queen. Before we started dating, he had a girlfriend who used to confide in me. I was so jealous of her. She knew we were friends so she made sure to post a lot of our PDA pics on his social media since we weren’t following each other.
Fast forward two years. Abby, I can’t stop my obsession with her. I always think of her and compare myself to her. I am stalking her social media pages. Ben has never told me why I don’t trust him, so why am I still worried about her?
She has moved on and is in another relationship. How can I finally stop obsessing over her and move on? I don’t feel that way about his other ex-lovers, but somehow this one sticks in my mind. I don’t want him to know what I’ve been doing. he really needs help Any advice? — Unsafe Pennsylvania
For those who are unsure: Considering the fact that your boyfriend’s ex is happily living in another relationship, this obsession is really a waste of your time and energy. You may still feel threatened, but the woman is no longer your competitor. Whether your problem is insecurity or lack of self-esteem, it’s time to wake up and realize that Ben chose you over her. If you can’t accept that and relax, you may need to see a licensed psychologist to stop her from cyberstalking. She may be part of your boyfriend’s past, but don’t let her continue to be part of your present.
Dear Abby: We have three grandchildren and are keenly aware of the importance of a college education. When our first child graduated from high school, we gave him his $500 for graduation funds, plus another $1,500 to use for college-related expenses. He had already hinted at going to college.
When the second graduated, we gave him a $500 graduation gift. Since he had promised to join the Navy, he also promised to receive $1,500 if he attended college. Since then, we have accused him of disrespect for his career choices, favoritism, and other accusations too numerous to list here.
Are we demons for wanting and encouraging our grandchildren to go to college? Please let us know what you think. — Goodwill in the West
Dear Goodwill: Your mistake is not considering your grandchildren as individuals. Your second grandchild may find his career path as part of military service. Some might argue that you favor grandchildren who are on lopsided career paths, but in that light, you certainly look like you’re playing the favourite. You may want to rethink what you are doing. Your navy-bound grandchildren may need that money one day.
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