Natalia Chi
Are you thinking about taking your romantic relationship to the next level this Valentine’s Day? It may be wise to consider one aspect of your partner’s success or failure: their financial habits.
Here are five financial red flags to look out for in your partner.
i don’t want to talk about money
According to Dasha Tcherniakovskaia, a Massachusetts-based couples therapist who specializes in financial issues, it’s a common misconception that talking about money isn’t romantic.
“The inability or reluctance to talk about money in general for a variety of reasons should be a red flag,” she said. There are restrictive beliefs that prevent us from talking about money and spending.
One way to spread the word is to start by understanding your partner’s relationship with money. This is often strongly influenced by childhood experiences.
Talking about money in the early stages of a relationship may not be appropriate or important compared to when you’re thinking about the future together. But when the time comes, Cherniakovskaya recommends planning a “money date.”
“In a nice setting, couples are encouraged to plan their dates over a glass of wine or hot chocolate.” please give me.”
runaway debt
Unmanaged credit card debtfueled by impulsive spending, is another financial red flag for partners, according to relationship and personal finance experts. Other liabilities It can also affect you financially.
Money Coach Nicole Victoria, founder and CEO of No Budget Babe, said: Financial Literacy Company. “What they pay back will affect their ability to work together toward other financial goals as a couple.
Of course, context is important, and it’s important to understand how someone got into debt in the first place. It’s not like someone who borrowed money to deal with it. If an individual is willing to discuss debt and is actively working on it, that’s a good sign.
“Nevertheless, if you need to help pay off and shelve your savings for other goals, it will be yours as well, so it’s good to know about them,” Victoria said.
A recent study found that having little to no debt ranked as the most positive quality of a partner when it came to attractive traits. investigation From the dating site Eharmony and the personal budgeting program You Need a Budget (YNAB).
show off their wealth
If someone is getting fancy with their money, it could stem from insecurity.
“Luxury spending is a big red flag when it’s clear that you’re spending more than your income allows,” says Sarah Schweisthal, a personal finance expert at YNAB.
“If your partner is always buying the next drink at the bar, you’re the reason. Pay attention to the motives behind your partner’s financial behavior. They say you want to make an impression.” Be careful if desire casts a shadow over their financial reality,” said wealthy Emily Irwin. An executive at Wells Fargo.
strict thrift
Conversely, never offering to pay for dates or borrowing money frequently may indicate a lack of resources or simple selfishness. is considered admirable, but behaviors such as demanding a tip from a service person or agreeing to eat out with your own money are another story.
“I’m a big proponent of everyone having a budget, but think about how your partner treats you, your friends, and others you may not have a close relationship with. “This includes service workers such as waitstaff and Lyft drivers, along with anyone trying to save money at the expense of treating others disrespectfully.” I have to make sure it’s not.”
Frugality does not necessarily mean that someone has limited financial means.
“Just because someone has a large income doesn’t necessarily mean they can support their spending, nor does it necessarily mean that unattractive thrift isn’t happening,” Irwin said.
Financial “adultery”
Transparency is key when discussing money issues. This goes a long way in ensuring financial compatibility for couples.
Consider a partner who hides debts or is not honest about a range of assets. If a couple is saving something like a down payment on a house together, one partner’s avoidant behavior can interfere with the couple’s decision-making and hurt the other partner financially. corresponds to what money experts call “financial infidelity.”
“Excessive secrecy about your money, lying about your spending, and refusing to share financial information with you are red flags.
Financial abuse can also occur in relationships. Some people use money to manipulate or wield power over their partners, especially if one of the couples has much more resources than the other.
“A lot of times it comes down to control,” she said. The other partner may not have access to the couple’s bank account or may need to ask permission to make certain types of purchases.
“I see women who have to ask for money or take pocket money. It’s abuse and a tactic used to control women,” Victoria added.
Unhealthy dynamics can also occur when there is a large discrepancy in each partner’s income.
“If decision-making authority is based on each individual’s financial contribution, that person is always left powerless and making less money,” Chernyakovskaya said. “They need to yield to the tastes of those who make more.”
